My Brain and Heart Divorced
by John Roedel
my brain andheart divorced
a decade ago
over who was
to blame abouthow big of a messI have become
eventually,
they couldn’t bein the same roomwith each other
now my head and heartshare custody of me
I stay with my brainduring the week
and my heartgets me on weekendsthey never speak to one another
– instead, they give methe same note to passto each other every week
and their notes theysend to one another alwayssays the same thing:
“This is all your fault’
on Sundays
my heart complainsabout how my
head has let me downin the past
and on Wednesdaymy head lists allof the times myheart has screwedthings up for mein the future
they blame eachother for the
state of my life
there’s been a lotof yelling – and crying
SO,lately, I’ve beenspending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as myunofficial therapist
most nights, I sneak out of thewindow in my ribcage
and slide down my spineand collapse on my
gut’s plush leather chairthat’s always open for me
~ and just sit sit sit situntil the sun comes up
last evening,
my gut asked me
if was having a hardtime being caughtbetween my heartand my head
nodded
said didn’t knowif could live witheither of them anymore“my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
‘just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,’sighed
my gut smiled and said:‘in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,’
was confused– the look on my face gave it away
“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focuson the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungsthere is no tomorrow there either
there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breathand in that breath
you can rest while yourheart and head worktheir relationship out.’
this morning,while my brainwas busy readingtea leaves
and while myheart was staringat old photographs
I packed a littlebag and walkedto the door ofmy lungs
before I could even knockshe opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced meshe said“what took you so long?’
This is a wonderful poem about dealing with conflicting emotions within ourselves. There are some videos of him on the internet and some books. I will follow up with those. He’s a good addition to my life.