My Brain and Heart Divorced
by John Roedel
my brain and
heart divorceda decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess I have becomeeventually,
they couldn’t be
in the same room with each othernow my head and heart
share custody of meI stay with my brain
during the weekand my heart
gets me on weekends they never speak to one another– instead, they give me
the same note to pass to each other every weekand their notes they
send to one another always says the same thing:“This is all your fault’
on Sundays
my heart complains
about how myhead has let me down
in the pastand on Wednesday
my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the futurethey blame each
other for thestate of my life
there’s been a lot
of yelling – and cryingSO,
lately, I’ve been spending a lot oftime with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapistmost nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcageand slide down my spine
and collapse on mygut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me~ and just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes uplast evening,
my gut asked me
if was having a hard
time being caught between my heart and my headnodded
said didn’t know
if could live with either of them anymore “my heart is always sad aboutsomething that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,
lamentedmy gut squeezed my hand
‘just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,’
sighedmy gut smiled and said:
‘in that case,you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,’
was confused
– the look on my face gave it away“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focus
on the uncertain futureyour lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there eitherthere is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breath
and in that breathyou can rest while your
heart and head work their relationship out.’this morning,
while my brain was busy reading tea leavesand while my
heart was staring at old photographsI packed a little
bag and walked to the door of my lungsbefore I could even knock
she opened the doorwith a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said “what took you so long?’
This is a wonderful poem about dealing with conflicting emotions within ourselves. There are some videos of him on the internet and some books. I will follow up with those. He’s a good addition to my life.